Madness
February 17, 2011
All I saw was a puff of curly, red hair atop a bright green sweater. The red was a kind of faded dye job, and the texture dry enough to give it some extra breadth at the ends. I couldn’t describe her face, but I saw enough in that instant to know she was either not having a good day, or not having a good life, or both. That was all I needed to see to know that this woman was unusual.
“All from her hair and sweater,” you ask?
Yes. That is how people pass judgment on one another. In an instant, and based on wardrobe choices, color schemes, textures and dryness of hair.
The traffic light was still red when my brother turned to me out of the quietness of his thoughts.
“Imagine if there was a Cure for mental illness…”
I waited.
“…then what about art? You think it’d just stop?”
The red headed lady had moved on, and I realized I missed her. She caught my eye, out of all the pedestrians crossing that day, because, yes, because of her bold color choices. But also because I wanted to hug her and say ‘thank you for being on your own planet.’ Your own planet, where you thought better of straightening your hair; where you thought green would compliment your red hair even though it’s not Christmas; where you were okay going out of the house just so. Thank you for being unaware of snarky people or maybe you just thumb your nose at them. In that instant, I admired her.
No, I am not being facetious. I am not being mean, I am in fact being sincere. I admired her choices made seemingly in isolation and thought ‘that might be a person I’d like to have a conversation with-pick her brain, as they say (which is a hostile expression, I think).
We drove past a movie theater that no longer plays movies, but instead lists a ‘place for rent’ on the marquis. I think the last movie I saw in a theater was one about a failed relationship. I went by myself because whenever I asked someone to go with me, he or she just made a face as if to say, “meh.” Then they admitted that someone or other had told them it was depressing. This is a term I’ve never understood.
Here’s an experiment:
This a photo of a man making ham sandwiches.
Does the photo make me feel like a ham sandwich? I’d say, no.
Here’s another one:
This is a photo of a man asleep on a bench.
Is he tired? Looks like it. Is he depressed? Maybe. Your guess is as good as mine. Does the photo make me feel depressed or tired? Not really. I’d say then that it is not a depressing or tiring photo.
I should’ve taken my brother to see the relationship movie. He’s in that phase where he’s discovering he’s not the only one with angst. So all the world’s library of albums and paintings and movies and short stories and even poetry make him happy to be alive. He walks around with that radiant inner calm, knowing that no matter how shitty he’s feeling, someone else has already written about it. The search for that depressing movie or sad novel gives him a sense of purpose, and when he finds good one, he devours it and is happy again.
My wife won’t watch sad movies with me, but if they’re written well, I like them. But when she asks me why I like them, I can’t really say why. They make me think, I get caught up in their world, I get INVOLVED. They don’t make me feel better. Maybe it’s because I can feel the sadness without the consequences the characters have to deal with. The movie ends and I get on with my own life. *shrug*
Eloquent writing Julia. As someone who works with depressed patients every day, I empathize with the burden they have acquired and inspired by thier resilience in the face of adversity. If only society could be more accepting of thier struggle.
BTW, we have the same birthday, happy birthday!
I am currently reading a chapter called Panoramic Travel in a book which is called “The Railway Journey”. (Panoramic Travel, Wolfgang Schivelbusch (1986) Ch.4 (pp 57-72) in the Railway Journey. NY: Berg).
It describes the changes of how people view the world around them and the way that thier seeing of the world has changed because of changes in perception caused by travel.
Viewing something has become more panoramic because speed in our lives has changed what we can see, which is one of the reasons that Photography when first introduced was so special as it allowed time for people to search out the minute and specific images that we now so casually gloss over in our seeing of the World around us.
I sometimes wonder if we have gained one way of seeing at the expense of the other. You saw this person because she stood out, but you,like many of us fail to see the specific details of all the rest who dont.
Meditation is sometimes sitting so quietly that you see clearly the minute details of what is around you. Its those times that the world really does seem to change around you, but its only now that I have come to understand that we have not always been so blind to these details but rather we have blinded ourselves through our changes in technology.
Yet, our minds do seem to take snapshots of those times even if we dont always remember. There is a long curving beach with rough dark sand, and a single twisted rough bark tree whose leaves shade you as you sprawl in it looking directly at the waves that roll gently onto the shore. To your right, the coconut palms stand quiet in the sun, to your left the dark, green jungle creeps up to beach, its coolness looking attractive in the midday humid heat that surrounds you. The bright blue sky, the few white clouds in the sky provide a backdrop. Its many years past, and yet it exists in my mind as if it wer yesterday, overlaid with even more distant images of me as a child playing in that same ocean many years before that.
Its funny what you see, I am now many miles from that place and time in Papua New Guinea. The snow still lingers here now in Korea and while I see it, I also dont. Though I wonder if years from now when I go back to live in my home in New Zealand, will I have the images still in my mind of this place?
I was pondering how the kids are being raised to fit the cover of magazines the other day, how long has that seed been being planted? decades? Seeing something unique in a world of imitation,is always a breath of fresh air! Or human-ness, our faults, or emotions, are what we are as an individal, no matter what age, we are all seemingly traveling down a well traveled yet expanding road known as conciousness. Its easy to become stuck in good or not so good thinking, if only we all seeked out that person who has been where we are,and have made it through, to better help us on to the next spirital triumph through mind,they say only 3% of people ask for help,out of 97% who need it! we are a stubborn brood arent we julez..
Bt A hg wold work just as well, just to say ..hey! youre just fine the way you are!!! keep it up.. kinda like that fiona apple speech at the mtv awards many moons ago!?
blog on babe
Lance
Hey Julia…interesting story. I have to admit, I shy away from movies or stories that I know are sad. I couldn’t even watch the very last (I hope) Rocky movie b/c it doesn’t show Rocky workin’ hard, overcoming odds, and winning…with that uplifting music of course. I think its just what I personally find “entertaining.” I’ve lived sufficiently long to have seen much suffering and misery, some of it I’ve had myself. So, I don’t really need to read about it or go to see it. I will watch sad movies occasionally, though. “The Way We Were” is one of those. Where the premise of the movie harkens back to a time in two peoples’ lives where they were together and very happy, and for one of them, he realizes that this was the pinnacle of his relationship life. Bittersweet…I think that’s what they call that.
Anyway, I stumbled on this post. I live in Roanoke VA so it was interesting to read that you were in Blacksburg recently (my alma mater…I always joke, twice, since I was too stupid to get it with the first degree…lol).
Best regards.
What did the zen buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
They say that “misery loves company”, so I guess it makes perfect sense that if you are already miserable (on some level, at least some of the time), then you would gain comfort from the knowledge that others are sharing similar thoughts and feelings to yourself. (I am using “you” in the generic sense.)
On the other hand, let’s say you are in a generally good relationship, but are worried that it might not last, that things could turn bad. Having your half-suppressed fears played out in a movie might not be a comfort. Or maybe it would. Perhaps you could then say: “If that is the worst it can get, then I can survive that.”
There is a lot of negative stuff that most people rarely think about. I can understand them not wanting to be made to think about it. Whether such avoidance is “healthy”, chokes off “personal growth”, dulls the social conscience etc. can be debated. I think that it is a rare person who doesn’t engage in some form of avoidance.
We need more red-headed ladies in green sweaters in our world. Great read…
A very fun read indeed. Thanks so much for this story.
I work at an (online) site that supports people who often hover between the edge of nowhere and sanity. What you’ve written here is moving and expresses what a fine writer you are. I’m glad to have found your blog Ms. Stiles.
I.
Love.
This.
So.
Much.
You will never find anything more depressive than the peaceful beauty of São Miguel Island in the Azores archipelago.Happy 30 upcoming birthday
Interesting picture choices
A veces la gente que ante nuestros ojos aparece como “extraña” ,son personas fascinantes que nos muestran distintas formas de ver y valorar las cosas, incluso nos hacen meditar acerca de nuestra propia vida
tienen mucho que enseñarnos……
You bring up an interesting subject.
Female schizophrenics have a distinctive way of
putting on eye makeup (think Leona Hensley or Tammy Faye Baker).
This has to do with their perceptions of color.
Males have similar quirks.
So… when you see someone dressed like they came
from another planet, either it’s a young person
(or immature adult) doing it on purpose or someone
who doesn’t realize it, (see above).
Or couldn’t it just be someone who doesn’t care about keeping up with the social norms that often dictate what we should wear or how we should look? I say “Bravo, Green Sweater Lady!”
Sometimes I feel like I’m on my own “planet” or at least my own island, cause I could care less about conforming to what society says I should be. I am what I am, I live for myself and the people I love and that’s all any of us can or should do.
And now, incidentally, I do want a ham sandwich.
I agree on the ham sandwitch
Thank you.
Images are capable of producing an emotional response in people. Just because an image of a tired person doesn’t make me feel tired doesn’t mean the image fails to induce emotion. My emotional response to an image may be different from someone else depending on the culmination of our individual experiences.
Back to your story about avoiding a “depressing” movie, I think it is foolish to rely on someone else’s emotional response as a barometer for what is worth seeing or avoiding. Unless the sum of our experiences has brought us to the same mindset, what might induce depression in you may induce hope in me. I was once told not to bother seeing the Shawshank Redemption because it was a depressing movie, and had I listened, I would have missed out on an inspiring film.
I remember watching the Clint Eastwood film MYSTIC RIVER….the scene where Sean Penn is being held back by several police officers, from getting close to the abandoned car containing the body of his beloved daughter….that moment for me was the type of SAD that I dread, yet pulled to.
Schindler’s List was another SAD, .. but must be seen film for me.
I don’t know why I find the need to experience such emotional pain through film. The emotions swell up so strongly…..I suppose I am addicted to allowing myself to vicariously feel real life pain through the artistic renditions that you Julia and others create for us…Julia, what is the film that most strikes your chord of lament and sorrow?
It’s funny (in kinda sad way) that the people courageous enough to be ‘colourful’ may not even be aware that they are.
The rest of us (the semi-sane) should maybe put down our personal devices and try to be more ‘colourful’, in a good way.
Your photo of the old man on the stone bench reminds me of a place in Vancouver called Pigeon Park, except there’d be a lot more people sitting on benches, looking tired or depressed.
I like your brother’s comment/question, and it is true that no matter how bad you feel, someone has already put your feelings into lyrics. Yet someone will always find a new way to say it. Clapton knows my feelings just too well…
I like the way you think more with each posting.
Very fun read! Thanks for sharing Julia.
I’m curious as to what emotions movies actually do provoke in you.
You have explained that there can be satisfaction if movies express feelings, even negative feelings, that the viewer is currently experiencing. What about movies that deal with material outside of the viewer’s current experience?
Your argument that a photo of a tired man doesn’t make you tired might seem to suggest that you view these things with detachment, a lack of emotional involvement. That would be surprising to me.
Other parts of your argument might suggest that your point is that the final effect on the viewer’s emotional state may be different from the initial effect (e.g., sadness eventually leading to happiness) or that the viewer’s contemporaneous response may differ from the emotions being acted out on screen (e.g., cruelty evoking sympathy or failure evoking judgment).
Or is it perhaps that you like to be taken on an emotional journey and that, at journey’s end, you are simply pleased (to varying degrees) to have had the experience?
My impression is that some people (“literary types”) seek to improve their understanding of the world through their emotions and are rather welcoming of being put through an emotional wringer if that offers the prospect of a deepened understanding.
Other people (“scientific types” or perhaps just “emotionally constipated types”) seek to gain their understanding through reading (or reading about) studies and surveys, and by other means that don’t depend on an emotional response.
Then there is a third group that doesn’t want a deeper understanding, at least not of certain issues. They are into avoidance or perhaps just have too much else to deal with.
Few people are exclusively of one type, of course, but my guess is that those who embrace emotionally challenging movies tend to have a large proportion of the understanding-through-emotional-experience type in their makeup.
That pic TOTALLY makes me want a ham sandwich. Ya know? I thought it was interesting that you, as an actor, don’t find that movies influence you emotionally. At least in the moment. Ultimately, isn’t that the point? My theory is that since you are in the biz, you prolly look at movies a little differently than us layfolks. But, I’ll bet that there are some movies that still tug at your heart strings a little. Like Rudloph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Who doesn’t tear up a bit at the Island of Misfit Toys?
What cheered me up about this was reading it half asleep and the line “Does this make me feel like a Ham Sandwich?” – Instantly had an image of Julia walking through New York wearing a fancy dress Ham Sandwich costume, which tickled me for some reason.
As for those people who refuse to watch “depressing movies”, I’ve had my fair share of them. In the end I just gave up and now view a trip to the movies with anyone as “their show” and anything I want to watch I’ll go myself. I think it’s this attitude which dilutes modern day cinema in a way, years ago audiences got what was presented to them and then came to an opinion, whereas these days it seems the mainstream audience all want a happy go lucky affair with a happy pay-off at the end and anything else is a no go area, this frightens alot of studio’s and they all act like lemmings in the pursuit of the mainstream dollar. Sort of miss Orion Pictures in a way, who used to put out stuff of a “depressing” nature if you will.
I have to thank you for being so open (although, quite frankly I can’t imagine anyone famous being as open as you seem to be with us lackies). I sometimes think I’m talking to the PR paper doll.
Nevertheless, I love your writing style and keep coming back for more.
Hm, how to ask.
In the past, you have posted challenges in regards to Hemingway. Humbly, I wonder if you would be up for a writing challenge yourself?
When someone says to me how terrible the world is now I reply with what have you done to make it better? After the look of confusion and disdain, I explain how I was having a miserable time of it one day. Just frustrated beyond belief and I was having difficulty in coping with a current situation. An unfamiliar face gave me a smile, a smile that radiated beyond the casual how are you today smile. A smile that penetrates the soul and turns things right side up again, of course this smile was ill received with a curt acknowledged thank you from me and off I went. Later that day I realized in my frustration that I had overlooked a wonderful gift and felt like a fool. Thankfully I was able to bump back into this person again and truly thank them for brightening my day even if it took a while for its affect to take place. I learned that I do not have to be defensive all the time, posturing against the forces of evil and can share in gifts of kindness. When I hold the door for another stranger and they do not acknowledge with a thank you, I do not get mad anymore. I smile and think that later that day or even that year they too will realize that the world is a wonderful place. I must trust the system of kindness and realize it too is an art form to be practiced and studied and that there are many students just like me.
Sander Gilman’s closing comment in his remarkable book “Seeing The Insane” (2nd ed., 1996, in the afterword…) takes up the core of the idea you’re exploring here, J.:
“As we picture health and illness, we bring to the images an entire armament of aesthetic associations, and we see the world in terms of beauty and ugliness. These associations provide a means of placing ourselves as observers not only to these images but to our own body, a body inherently in danger of illness.”
Pattern recognition is among the more useful tools in our evolutionary toolbox, although it sometimes goes by the more mundane name ‘judgement’. It’s a tool of initial estimation, a muscle of the brain developed over time as you experience life around you. It is basic guidance. As we get older, we try to teach our brains to look past that.
I am an engineer, working in a field dominated by technology. But I see art everyday, even if it’s not a poem or a painting or a song or a movie. Those are just the most popular forms (I typed that with a huge grin). I’m worried less about a cure for mental illness than the one for individuality.
I didn’t get a reaction from the sandwich cart. But, having caught some decent zzzz’s in every imaginable contortion of my body, I surely can identify with the guy snoozing on the corner.
Madness is a lot like gravity…all it takes is a little push.
People often regard being stable as the “norm”. As for myself, isn’t that where horses live?
I stumbled onto your blog…very interesting…SOLID!
I have never understood people who can’t handle “sad” films (or sad art in general). I am always pleasantly surprised when a piece of art generates an actual emotion from me (as opposed to “huh, that’s nice”). That seems to me, to be the whole point of art. I think I would be a (slightly) lesser person if I had never seen Schindler’s List, or Brokeback Mountain.
I think it is the same way with comedies and horror films. If I get a genuine laugh or a visceral scare, the movie has done it’s job.
I’m gonna give my 2 cents…
First of all, I don’t see the problem with red hair and green sweater. I find that combination beautiful, if not endearing. And yeah, she is unusual, from the description, she sounds like an INFP (it’s a type of MBTI personality), we INFPs have our own inner worlds and it’s pretty hard to get in there, we don’t let just anybody in and many times people think we are sad, but we’re just lost in our world. And it’s funny you mentioned Christmas, I have my beautiful Christmas tree right here besides me, I have my reasons for still keeping it and I plan on doing so at least till my birthday which will be on the 27th of June. So the idea is, maybe the sweater has a special spiritual meaning to that lady, like I have some sweaters I still wear despite the fact that they’re like 10 years old
, or new but quirky in the eyes of other people…I don’t care. I don’t see anything unusual here.
About art…art can be very well without the mentally ill. Art can be about beautiful things, happy feelings or positive ideas. Like, I doubt whoever did Venus di Milo, had anything but beauty and love in mind, or when Giocondata (Monalisa) was painted, I’m sure DaVinci was trying to make a beautiful portrait that had nothing to do with mental illness. Heh, I remember a painting called the Origin of the world, at Luvre, I’m not sure the artist was 100% sane (but then again who is?), but he definitely had lots of (maybe a bit dark) humour, which is a positive trait.
In fact, art is, in my opinion, more of a battle between light and darkness. Art has to impress, to create an emotion, to show something and this battle provides a lot of opportunities. The mentally ill can be a part of “the darkness”, but it does not define art.
The pictures…the ham one makes me think of Thai food, not ham sandwiches, I’ve tried some lately and it was so delicious, I cannot put it out of my head. I see italian, I think I want thai, I see junk food, yeah, but it could never compare to thai and so on. (and right now I am drooling imagining noodles with chicken and vegetables and delicious tasty thai sauce) Screw the ham sandwich!
)
Second picture…now, I know it’s just me, because of my life experiences, but I do find that picture depressing. I’m not going to post my life here, no way, but I makes me think of Cuba (it could be from there), I have lived in communism, it’s really depressing, where people being different are being punished for it and for me it’s ironic that tourists are in the picture, they can come and go as they please, but for locals, they have no chance of leaving to find a better life. I could find many bad reasons to describe communism that would make that old man feel life has beaten him, to make him resign himself to the way his life is and realise he cannot change anything…like he lost hope and that’s the worst thing in life. But maybe it’s just me seeing that, maybe he is just taking an afternoon nap out in the town.
Sad movies, I love them, but I don’t feel they give me joy, I find them a learning experience. If I’m down, I find there resources to learn how to overcome this state of mind. The most useful lessons from them is to live your life, as it’s short and fragile but filled with passion. (at least if you let it be)I still prefer happy movies to get a positive upbeat. But anyway, I have a few sad movies that really touched me, I don’t remember all of them, but I’d definitely recommend The Green Mile, 7 Pounds, Saving Private Ryan…even Forrest Gump is a bit sad. Oh, how could I forget : Love story, haven’t seen the movie, but I read the book in highschool : it changed me…what else : The Bucket List, Remember me, A.I…maybe others I forgot. Oh, The numbers, this movie should not be watched alone, in my opinion and one should not go to sleep alone after this.
When it comes to lessons and sad events, nothing beats life though. Maybe even when it comes to positive ones too. All movies are inspired from it, in one way or another.
¡Ya consiguió rodea chica sano? lo acodar arriba!
Was this movie Blue Valentine?
Julia, surely you jest: re the first experiment. The first time I saw that photo, I immediately felt like a ham sandwich – albeit a delicious one, a ham sandwich nonetheless. Neither the sandwich-maker nor the sandwiches are the stars of the photo, not by a long shot.
That said, I understand your point and I think it’s definitely a sound observation when it comes to music. One would be hard pressed to physically be moved by a piece, if (s)he can’t personally relate to it. At least in my opinion. A happy song (even if it is a work of art) isn’t going to snap someone out of a state of depression.
However, the same cannot be said for books and film. If a book is well-written and a film is well-acted, its respective audiences would be hard pressed not to be moved. Their actual emotional states become/are irrelevant. At the risk of sounding like a total kiss-ass, I have to use your recent work on Dexter as an example. I think credit should be given where it’s due.
I can’t say I was a fan of the show before this past season but some chatter on FB piqued my interest. I started on episode 8, worked my way backwards (minus the first 3 truly snoozy episodes), then upwards again. By episode 10, I was hooked. Then I settled back into a state of indifference after the incomprehensibly bad season finale. Was I really expected to believe that Lumen was miraculously healed in less than 12 hours and then decided to leave Dexter after all they’ve been through in the span of 2 minutes. Give me a break. I deleted the episode from my DVR 15 minutes after it aired. But I digress…
Anyway, back to the main point of all of this: the Lumen story-line and your protrayal of her was the highlight of season 5. You played her so real that it was really hard not to care/root for her. I loved that for the first time, there was a character that wasn’t some sad caricature of what a woman should be – she just was. In spite of all of the horrific things that she’s been through, I loved that she didn’t see herself as a victim. Thank you for not using gratuitous tears as some kind of a crutch.
Rarely if ever do I become emotionally invested in a character’s journey but I cared about Lumen’s and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t tear up during that ‘break-up’ scene. It wasn’t that well-written but you and MCH brought it. It’s heartbreaking (because you guys made it heartbreaking) but I found myself rewatching it (and repeatedly tearing up) a few times before deleting the episode.
If you don’t return next season, I doubt I’ll be tuning in. But I do thank the show for helping me rediscover you and your talents and thus making me an unabashed fan.
The Bell Jar? Girl, make it happen already!
If it’s any consolation, I like to remind myself that my problems with self consciousness pale in comparison with David Foster Wallace’s? Of course, he’s dead now. But I’m not sure what mental illness has to do with art? That’s a bit of a potential straw man.
And speaking as someone who is mentally ill and hangs out with mentally ill people, actually we just don’t care what the neurotypicals think. No offense.
An while I’m at it, “You should keep in mind, it’s just a show.. You should really just relax.”
Jeez. Lighten up people. We’re all going to die anyway.
Nothing like a little judicious levity, I always say.
madness? I have tasted it. And I kinda liked it…in small portions pre-wrapped of course. Some people just don’t know how many times they have consumed it….and end up alone, tired, depressed, or fat from the calories. I trust that painting for me? Is my buffer and invite to small doses. carry on
Hey, fyi: I didn’t get to sleep a wink because my noisy elderly neighbors kept me up all night doing it to the oldies–it was laundry day–and I had just stepped out from the laundromat to get a ham sandwich! I have gone through this for weeks now. Do you think I care about dyeing my hair when I have bigger fish to fry, grrdammit?! =P
Signed,
Beeker the muppet
p.s. Meemeemeemeemee!
It can be equally perplexing to hear of any aversion to a range in the emotional spectrum as it is portrayed in any art. My first such feeling was at hearing someone say he didn’t like angry music. It was actually expressed with puzzlement at the level of anger that is expressed in some works. Is it true that there are levels of emotion that are so alien to people?
I like movies that continue to occupy my thoughts after they end. If that phenomenon is intense for the first hour or two after the end of the film, all the better. Even if, as in the case of… say, Dancer In the Dark, the feelings were acutely negative.
Each individual responds differently to an object. Some people with particular life experience may not put positive interpretations after observing, for exmaple, something even friendlier than the ham-knife photo.
Furthermore, some couldn’t ‘get out of the box’, or just to realize that they are trapped inside. Never gonna be easy to take care of them: CAREFULNESS IS REQUIRED. So, pls do take them out for a movie, but por favor, only for the encouraging one.
P.S.: should’ve talked to the red lady.
Who decides who has a mental illness?
We don’t all have a mental illness, except perhaps we all have a delusion: we are artists.
What will March’s madness be!? ;- )
Nice read, indeed but can’t really comment about it dear… Hmmm … It is really hard not to judge on ppl by their appearance.
I know several people who are either way too concerned with their emotional state or are way to convinced of their artistic state. I intend to expose them to your brother’s red-light discourse every chance I get. Maybe there’s no real answer there, but damn!, what a great question!!
BTW, the ham sandwich picture made me hungry so I ate too much and got real sleepy.
I hear yeah! Crazy sweater hair lady…I wonder if she feels any freedom for who she is. Maybe she never felt she had a choice to do anything different?
Gotta love New York…6 professional sports teams… and the New York Mets….
Perception…..
It’s amazing how easy it is to pass judgement… like my next statement, (please forgive the fact I spell and punctuate like a third grader)Does that mean I don’t have an education? Or is it that I’m dyslexic? Or maybe I’m a high school drop out? All those options could be an easy conclusion if your willing to judge me. But then again you don’t even know me. And yet that is exactly what we do. We see someone or hear something and pass judgement. Problem with that is that we really don’t see everything or hear everything. So how can we give a honest opinion? We can’t. Even if we never voice that opinion out loud or bounce it off someone else for open discusion we still pass judgement. First impressions.
Maybe it was laundry day, or maybe she is color blind and she makes her decisions to fashion on the texture of material instead of color. I would like to think she has so much confidence in herself that she doesn’t need anyone else’s approval. And that because of that confidence her life is full of happiness. I’m willing to guess that I’ve been wrong 90% of my life so I’m willing to admit I’m probably wrong now as to why she chose to dress the way she did that day.
So as individuals what makes us so righteous that we have the option of passing judgement on others. I don’t think there is an actual reason. I personally don’t feel that anyone is that righteous. My opinion is because whether we want to admit it or not were in competition with everyone around us. Either with our fashion, education, looks, bank account, home life, the list could go on and on. Fact of the matter is we want what others have or we need to see others in a worse situation than we’re in at the time. (And if I’m lieing then why are there so many tabloid’s at the check out counter at the grocery store? We like to gossip, and if were not the ones starting the gossip then were want to read about it.) Kind of a boost to our own ego. Sad isn’t it.
But at least your not so self centered that you didn’t notice her. And you have a consious other wise you wouldn’t feel guilty for missing the opportunity to talk to her and tell her your feelings. You have compassion for others. Cherish that compassion it gives you the ability to relate to others.
I want to leave you with one last thought. My grandmother told me one time “Life is what you make it, if your life is good then you’ve made it that way. But if your life is bad, then you’ve made it that way also.” So besides yourself… who’s to say if you’ve had a bad day or a bad life? Again… my opinion It’s not our place to pass judgement on others. But we do. Myself included, I try not to but I’m only human.
Maybe she saw things differently when she looked in the mirror that day. Maybe she didn’t notice how her green sweater and red hair made her standout. I do that all the time, I wear all sorts of outfits that look fine in the mirror at home and then when I am out I catch my reflection in a store window and realize what I really look like. It is those times that I am glad I couldn’t care less what people think of me. I just shrug my shoulders and keep on going.
Me gusto lo que escribistes, me hizo pensar y desear escuchar más. Me gustan mucho tus fotos en el mar.
You should have been on 5th ave on March 17!!! At least 10,000 redheaded “crazy” people with green sweaters!
Interestingly enough, green and red are considered complementary colors on the color wheel. So, perhaps that “crazy” lady knows exactly what she’s doing, and maybe the rest of us are the ones who haven’t got a clue.
And, while on the subject of “craziness”
…
How do we manage the “thunderbolts that will not earth themselves”? The “strokes of ill luck that befall us?”. Our “exhausted dreams”? Everyones reality is as different as everyones perception. Subtle nuances to the n’th degree Which delivers an exponential array of reaction. It’s just that some are a lot more different than others. Especially those in green sweaters.
I was watching a movie you were in, Carolina I think, and found your blog. This entry moved me because I am so passionate about this. Even in my own family and life, I get so tired of people being looking and judgeing. Even me. I recently had gastric bypass surgery, lost over 100 pounds, and I cannot believe the difference becuase of my appearance. This is mixed, because I work in sales, and now, being “better looking” I find it easier to get to decision maker to make get an account. Did I do this for looks, a little. Being honest with myself. For health yes, I have a grandaughter I want to see grow up. Finally financially, because clothes are less expensive for those of “smaller stature”. As I have matured, LOL, I find that I am becoming more sensitive to everyone around me, and the effort it takes to not sterotype. I guess that is the key, it takes effort, and it seems a lot of humanity just does not want to make the effort.
Beauty in tragedy – not to be confused with pleasure due to someone else’s pain.
I have been observing people most of my life, and if nothing else they never stop amazing me. There are so many lost souls out there. I can understand what you mean when you say your friends make faces about going to a movie. It happens here where I am all the time. More people need to observe the people around them and really take notice. It just may turn out to be a happier world:)
I never grew out of the sad phase. I like to look for meaning in this world, whether happy or sad, bliss or pain. We have to forget the utility of life sometimes and remember what we living is for.
I love the story of your red headed lady. Sometimes I feel like her. Judged by what people see. Judged by stuff that is only the surface of me. Judged by those who are thinner, cuter, younger. Sometimes I find myself also judging others by what I see on the surface. Sometimes, sometimes I just smile and keep on missing the chance to get to know those less than perfect people, people just like me.
Geez Julia, can you treat us to another post already? It’s been months!
Hey julia
i m new here and i saw your blog its nice
The guy sleeping looks passed out. Interesting ham sandwich observation. I think I’ll pass. DK
Interesting piece. I love it, though i don’t completely agree with Julia here. I happen to think tha art, which includes movies and music, invokes different emotions in people.
People whit autism or aspbergers, they have always been there and we called them just “odd people” before we could put labels on them.
The normality is so oppressing for these people, because the normality don’t tolerate divergence. These people becomes experts on imitating the normality. It´s the only way to be accepted. The cost of this is that they can´t be them selfs.
Normal people do anything to socially fit in, they lie and show off etc.
A person whit aspergers or autism would never do that.
Those persons can retire into themselves , following the pattern of a piece of wood over and over again or just sit in front of the washing machine and stare at the spins. This is a powerful gift.
We “normal” people try to reach this by yoga and mindfulness.
These people have a right to be them selfs.
( hope it´s readably, sins english is not my first language)
Regards from Sweden
I never though of it that way, that it’s a gift. I already don’t care that much about fitting in and normality, but it does affect me what others think and do. To not care about this at all, that is a gift indeed, unfortunately it does come with a high price to pay.
Ciao Julia, e’ bello leggere i tuoi racconti di viaggio.. Sono molto precisi e ben scritti! Andrea
Sshh! I know the secret of life. It’s life just live it. Good, bad or uneventful. Just live.
Sorry I’m just a little sociopathic these days.
maybe its us who are crazy…. doing things that we know are wrong, fighting,stealing,killing….when we all can hold hands.
In a way i like crazy people they dont seem to care.
Depression and happiness, sadness and joy, fear and indifference are just some of the ingredients we all share in different measures. They stretch, twist, pull and push the same universal thoughts through the kaleidoscope of our personalities to create a unique and personal vision of the world. Every thought is art, some thoughts are just more contagious than others and a cure would just be boring.
I think that’s the most pretentious paragraph I’ve ever written
Oh, and not wanting to go to a movie is the best reason to go.
Not that I ever do.
Loving the blog. More please.
It might seem like it but I didn’t miss the point, I just really feel like a ham sandwich and a nap.
zzzzz
I like the way you write.
I do think that being an artist means having one foot in a stable, rather dull and predictable world, and one foot in a messy, colorful, weird place. Straddling both worlds fuels the creative mind. I am glad for that, but it does mean you are vulnerable to forces of both worlds – one in which the pilot light is blown out and another whose weirdness consumes you.
Your ham sandwich picture made me smile
I initially read it and wondered why and how you could feel like a sandwich, short of lying between two slices of bread. Very confusing…
I eventually realised you probably meant feel like eating a ham sandwich.
I’m currently trying to figure out if I have enough lettuce to go between me and the bread?
Kierkegaard said (in a rough translation from Danish) that angst is freedom’s reality as a possibility of the possible, or in more plain language that the seemingly endless freedom of possibilities humans have give us a deep-rooted existential anxiety. I think that great art can be born out of that angst, but also out of the absence of it. It would be fascinating to learn if your red-haired woman looked like that because she has succumbed to the weight of her freedom or because she is oblivious to it and therefore (truly?) free? If you ever see her again and get a chance to pick her brain, let us know. Too bad your friends scoffed at the ‘depressing’ movie – life must be a bit boring without ever wanting to look at the sad, the ugly, the longing. Take your brother next time, sounds like he would be a good companion.